"he's bananas about apricots. not the way he's bananas about bananas, mind you."

last night i got to spend time with amelia, one of my favorite people on the planet. we ate chocolate bunnies and built our own boyband at gurl.com(i highly recommend this site). since she lives in boston, i don't see her often, but we always pick up where we leave off. i'm not sure just what it is about amelia, but whenever i'm near her i think faster, more creatively, more deeply. two years ago, we spent a summer together, working at an art camp and a teen center in long valley. in two months we designed a parade float, started a teen center library, created work for a gallery show, and planned an installation.

we write silly mottos on sugar packets. we drink large quantities of tea in giant mugs. we get excited and grab each other by the hand, or arm, or whatever's in reach. we laugh constantly about nothing. we send mail-art. we feed off each other's ideas. we really believe that what we do can make a difference in the world. we think that the act of being who we are is a revolution in itself.

so many things in our culture tell us that women aren't supposed to be friends. we are taught to compete with each other, for male attention, to be the thinnest, the prettiest, the best-dressed. the old "don't hate me because i'm beautiful" line implies just the opposite: "i'm so much more attractive than you, don't you feel jealous?" so many women say things like "i hate her, she's so thin." anorexic has become a slur against anyone thinner than you are, rather than a medical term for people suffering from a serious disorder for whom we should feel sympathy. television shows women in the daytime playing all the old underhand games of man-catching, and at night all the commercials that tell girls they don't smell right, have nice enough skin, in short that they aren't presentable as themselves.

the radical idea here, people, is why the hell are we doing all this? some people are going to tell you evolutionary instincts determine our behavior. some people are going to tell you that women are just naturally backstabbing and underhanded, and they can't be friends. they're wrong of course, as every one of you who's had a good friend can see. there is no general group that isn't made up of specific people, and the specifics are what count here. so grab a girl, give her a big hug, and go play on the swings. go for a walk and hold hands. show the world they're wrong.

email: