i went to the gyno. it almost certainly is PCOS. there's no definitive test that will tell me that i have it. there's an ultrasound that may or may not find anything, and there are horomone blood tests that are expensive and extensive and still may not find anything. next week i have to get blood work to find out if it's messing with my endocrine system in any serious way--it can lead to insulin resistance, type II diabetes, and other issues. but on the bright side, i get my very own support and awareness bracelet.

i'm on birth control pills to try to regulate my hormones. and if i need more medications, i don't know how the hell i'm going to pay for them (i owe the health center $60 right now). health insurance isn't really an option for me until i start working. and working isn't an option until i finish college. and that's coming up really fast. i have fabulous timing.

it hasn't really sunken in yet, i think. it breaks over me in waves. i will never be normal. this will always hang over my head. it's treatable, but it's not curable. it's not preventable, they don't even know what causes it. i suppose that should be some kind of consolation--it's nothing i've DONE. but somehow, it isn't much comfort...

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