ok yes that was terrible. but really. i'm broke. now i know other pepople say "i'm broke" and what it means is that they can't afford to go out and do fun things. or buy something fun and frivolous. this is not what i mean.

i'm so broke i'm $20 short of my car insurance payment which is due friday. and when i manage to pay it, i won't be able to buy gas to get to school. i am so broke i can't enter any writing competitions that could win me money, because i can't afford the entry fees. i am so broke that i'm going to be eating peanut butter sandwiches for the forseeable future, and living off random things from my freezer, because i sure as hell can't afford groceries. i'm so broke that i can't figure out where the money to live on for this week is going to come from. and i'm so broke that i can't afford to file my taxes online so i can get some money to live on. i'm so broke that i'm probably going to start hitting siblings up for cash.

i got an estimate from the dentist my sister goes to: $2500. not including the $155 office visit, which is the reason i can't afford my car insurance. i am now looking for poor-people dental clinics, the kind that charge on a sliding scale. hopefully that scale slides down to nearly nothing. they probably still use ether or something.

there is a knot in my stomach the size of china. i'm filing the tax return anyway right now, because the $10 fee isn't going to make a difference to my inability to pay for anything anyway, and at least i'll get some money out of it. somehow i'm not eligible for any of the student incentives out there, since i'm not in my first two years of school, have loans that pay my tuition and fees, and haven't paid off any of my loan interest. incidentally, i made $8500 in 2004. aren't you so jealous?

speaking of money, see that little amazon.com link down there? use it if you're buying stuff from them, ok? because when you buy stuff through that link, i get some (very)small percentage of that money. not enough to do much, but maybe enough to buy me a book every once in a while. or, hey, if everyone who reads this diary gave me a dollar, i'd have...well, a couple dollars, at any rate. i'd feel worse than i do now if i asked my diaryland readers for a loan. that would be pathetic and i refuse to be pathetic. if, on the other hand, you have no qualms about me being pathetic, here:

i refuse to end on a negative note. so, i am not yet so broke that i am seriously considering hocking my most prized posessions. i have not yet sold my blood or eggs, registered for paid medical testing, or decided to whore myself on a streetcorner.

that's something, right?
beatpoetgrrl

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