so i've been on the nerve personals on and off again since about 2002, with varying (and limited) results. there was the cool guy i took pictures with one day, but i'm an asshole and i never called him back. then there was the guy in a backyard wrestling league, and yet again there was the guy who corrected my grammar on the second date. so sometimes i get really frustrated and i just let the profile lapse into oblivion for months on end. and i try non-internet means of meeting people. like going out dancing, or through friends and friends of friends. but the only guys who talk to me when i go out need a light, and the last time i went the friends route, i got "i don't think it's a good idea for us to hang out outside the group" when i asked if he wanted to get some chinese food.

and then one day i'll be thinking about, oh, how it's been three years almost to the day since i made out with someone. and how that was new years eve in my friend's basement, and not exactly something to brag about. so i'll start looking through the profiles again. and i'll make mine look all spiffy, taking pictures with the swanky new digital camera i got for christmahannukwanzikamas. (for the record, i just used spiffy and swanky in the same sentence. what is wrong with these boys?)

why you should get to know me:
because i will cook for you. because i am a font of useless knowledge and a walking dictionary. because it is a great dream of mine to someday drive in a demolition derby. because sometimes when i'm talking i inexplicably say something in german because i can't remember the right english word. because i'll know something is bothering you even if you don't tell me, and i'll take care of you when you do.
who i'm looking for:smart boys who don't suck.

now the personals site which i frequent also has a search feature. you can search for a man, a woman, or any coupling thereof for dating, friendship, serious relationships, or "play." and you can search by area code, zip code, city name, etc. so i searched within 25 miles of my zip code, and also within about 10 miles of my school's zip code. and then, because i am a dutiful hostess, i exerpted the worst parts of the worst personals all for you! so here are some of my personal (heh) favorites:
*I'm extremely picky, and yet, at the same time, really not. It's hard to understand, and even harder to describe.
*I am looking for a sexy/cute young lady who is very chill, down to Earth and has a job.
*In my bedroom, you'll find:
Beer, Bed, Bud, Booze, Books, Beer, and a fan.
*The five items i can't live without:
my guitar(s)
my fishing gear
my delicious beers
my truck
my delicious beers.
*I can talk ghetto but it's a lame white man's ghetto... pretty funny actually.
*Why you should get to know me:
cuz im the man.

oh yes dears, this is what i have to work with. ok no, that's snarky. this is the absolute worst of what i have to work with. but it's so entertaining, and so much less disheartening, to go through the profiles looking for the absolute worst. and i have made my choice on that, but i just don't have the heart to post him up here and make fun. he's too sincerely well-meaning for that. and besides, he has a sword collection.

what i did find is two things: one, that virtually all the smart and attractive men my age have hightailed it to brooklyn. two, that one of the grad assistants from my school that i kinda thought was cute when he was working for my film professor also uses the same personals server. and in the spirit of this new "take charge" (read:desperately seeking physical contact) persona, i sent him a wink. on monday. he hasn't logged on yet (i'm not obsessive, i swear), so i don't know how it's been received. it's either a good thing, or i'm going to have to hide every time i walk past a film classroom.

i'm trying to decide whether i love new york enough to start messaging boys who live there. it's a helluva commute and all...

i really should do some work for my classes now. in other news, my writing professor is absolutely gorgeous. and he's making me write a ghazal.
off like a prom dress,
beatpoetgrrl

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