so i got my period this morning; apparently last night's freak-out was hormonal in nature. i'm not sure if that should make me feel better or worse. on the one hand, i'm not going insane. on the other, it's such a frou-frou girly thing to say. "oh, don't mind me, i'm just feeling hormonal today." it feels like such a copout. like i'm unstable because i'm a woman. as opposed to being unstable because i'm a sad desperate and lonely person sometimes, just like everyone else in the world. right?
in other news, my sister is going out to dinner tonight. with her ex boyfriend. whose house she just moved out of. because while she was in intense pain and physical therapy, he expected her to cook, clean, launder, and babysit, while he spent his time out in his shop. he couldn't be bothered to help her in any way; once she moved in, the hearts and flowers shit stopped cold. he was mean to her children, his own children were horrible screeching banshees of destruction, and he left two-year-old Princess Messyface alone in the front yard while he made stuff in his shop. and she's going out to dinner with him.
at what point does it become appropriate to shake her and scream "exactly how stupid are you?!" she's been doing this since i can remember--alcoholic, abusive, neglectful boyfriend after boyfriend. she goes out with each of them at least twice. and now that she's finally seen how he is and moved out, she wants to start over again? when the boys have finally started being decent human beings again. when Princess Messyface has stopped screaming and crying in obvious imitation of the Screaming Banshees of Destruction, and has stopped talking about "daddy."
if i didn't love the Princess so much, i think i would completely cut myself off from my sister entirely at this point (which is hard because she's living here). i'm frustrated and i'm tired and i'm sick of trying to understand. i'm tired of feeling like mom and i are the only ones with the Princess's best interests at heart. tired of watching my sister be selfish.
god help me, i don't know if i can bite my tongue hard enough this time.
beatpoetgrrl
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