i hate everything. ordinarily i wouldn't share that. normally when i feel like this, i just go hide somewhere. oversensitivity, obsessive behavior, and avoidance aren't really that pretty to look at.
my heart is going to pop out of my chest and start flopping around like a dead fish any minute, i'm sure, to be shortly followed by my lungs. my legs are kicking restlessly, my skin is two sizes too small, my neck hurts from carrying the super-heavy thursday bookbag around campus yesterday. and i really really really just want to hit something. repeatedly, and hard.
i was supposed to go to a friend's birthday party with my brother tonight. but he decided to ditch me to hang out with his friend that likes to talk about him behind his back. i don't know where the party is, how to get there, or who to call about it. besides which, i'm afraid of being stuck alone in a corner all night as everyone else talks. and really, the way i'm feeling, it's probably best to completely avoid any and all face-to-face social interaction. i'm a panic attack waiting to happen.
on the bright side, the professor loved my poem. she called it "graceful." the rest of the class liked it too, so i'm feeling pretty darn good about that. the rest of school is still good, too.
but otherwise, yeah. i hate everything today. i'm gonna go listen to elvis costello and pout for a while.
beatpoetgrrl
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