a letter dated feb 18.

dear jenn (and Sasha),
i was reading your thesis after my shower, and since i couldn't stay awake for the actual conversation last night, i thought i'd quickly jot down some gut reactions.

-you're right that the idea of entitlement is a perverted one in many ways. but perhaps what has been perverted are the very definitions of the things people feel they deserve. i believe that each person, by the sheer fact of existence, is deserving of love. i don't mean in a romantic sense or even a practical one--my mind is not big enough to wrap around the idea of love for a serial rapist or a child killer. by "love" many people mean obedience, consumer-ish displays of "affection" (hello hallmark!), or an idealized "relationship" in which everyone always agrees. rather than what is really Love--a mutual consideration, give-and-take, and a sense of empathy.

maybe what we are entitled to thanks to our existence alone--perhaps the only thing--is respect. which is tainted by the aggressive individualism that you mention. in order to find ourselves as individuals, we must differentiate from the Group, but i believe a mistake is made when the two are seen to be mutually exclusive. it is when we cut ourselves off from each other--when we forget that all people are interconnected--that we are able to perform the greatest acts of injustice. too, individuality is often confused with consumerism. "be an individual, buy this brand" is a far-too-common advertising ploy. consequently, to be an individual, one must amass--be it power, wealth, shoes, "love," or commodities of another kind. if it is believed that there is a finite amount of any specific commodity, any person who gains will be a threat of loss to another (which i feel may be why violence against women continues to rise as women gain more political and societal rights). without a sense of community, there can be no reason for sharing. one is justified struggling against every other individual in order to come out as the largest, the most individual of all.

as for happiness--i feel that this term has as well been perverted. the original ideal of the "pursuit of happiness" would perhaps best be termed a search for contentment, or self-actualization. the word "happiness" has come to mean a state of constant sunshine--a life without struggle or disappointment, much less tragedy or true grief. when one feels entitled to an easy life, any difficulty thrown in the path will seem unjust. and the apparent cause of difficulty, be it a flat tire or a colicky baby, becomes an attacker of one's "rights," a foe to be fought and hopefully eradicated. giving rise, as you said, to babies in trash bins, bitter divorces, child abuse, and maybe even rape and murder. besides which, in less dramatic terms, one has no satisfaction in overcoming obstacles, no growth through failure. conversely, there is no real sense of achievement, as it is only what we should have anyway. what wonder that so many feel empty?

what i feel mainly about the people who have become warped is twofold--i feel pity for what might have been, and sadness for what has been lost. i can't find it in me to feel genuine anger or hate, beyond the reactionary kind. i cannot believe that something beautiful and good, which is the Self, can choose to become perverted. and, like Sasha, i also feel a need to change things as they are, to heal what has been harmed by this world. i don't know how, but i do feel that the path we need is a path toward heeling and a reawakening of our connectedness--not perhaps community in a "traditional" (suburban residential) sense, but a feeling of a human community. through education? through evolution? i try my best through my words, sometimes through the lens of my camera, as i feel Sasha tires through his paintings and you do through the very fact that you made up this theory i'm discussing in the first place. maybe we need an artists' revolution--we need to hold up a mirror of two kinds--to show the world as it is, and the world as it could be.

and maybe someday Truth, Freedom, Beauty, and Love will mean what they're supposed to.

love beatpoetgrrl

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