i think i won the "what else could possibly go wrong?" award this weekend. to begin with, i'm sick. i love working with kids, except for the communicable diseases part. i'm not sure if i've had three colds in two weeks, or if it's just the same cold resurfacing every time i let my guard down. like an opportunistic prize fighter looking for the sucker punch. or the sleazy bar fly that leeches onto you for the night. on the upside, it got me out of the mandatory boredom that is the staff meeting last thursday. on the down side, i can't get rid of it now. two bags of vitamin C cough drops, enough cold medicine to probably kill a small horse, and here i am, sniffling away. and of course there's my mantra: "I AB NOD SIGG!"

but you don't come here to listen to me whine. you come here for...well, why do you all come here? someone fill me in on that one, ok? i never thought i was that fascinating. but at any rate, you're here now, and the least i can do is try to entertain you with the lurid details of my weekend. (cue flashback sequence):

it all started friday morning at work. i knew it would be crazy, and i was mostly prepared. until little mason came running across the playground in full voice, blood running down his chin. as i sprinted into full gear, donning gloves and preparing for the worst, i was thinking to myself "this is why you shouldn't wear heels to work you idiot!" luckily, he'd just bumped himself on a wooden railing; no missing teeth, no broken nose. just a little blood, a phone call to mom, and an accident report to fill out in triplicate. all of which i did, but as the adrenaline wore off, i became aware of two things: 1. i was in dire need of a cigarette, and 2. the Boss Lady had stood me up on coverage of my lunch break (well, late breakfast break, as it was supposed to happen at 10:30). not a huge deal, except for the nicotine craving...but she didn't show up until noon. which made it five hours of screaming fights between everyone and their best friends. no, literally, everyone was apparently fighting with their best friends on friday. must be something in the rice krispies.

suffice it to say that i made it home alive. and decided to stay at Older Sister's house for a night, to give Mum a break (to bring everyone up to speed because somehow i've neglected to mention it thus far: Older Sister has recently kicked out the ex-boyfriend i have always referred to as The Asshole. he's having some difficulty grasping the concept of "Go Away," so Mum has been staying over as he's deathly afraid of her. that's a rather long parenthetical interlude, isn't it?).

before heading to PA, i took the dogs out because i'm a nice person and an animal lover. taking out anja is no big deal, she heads straight for the kennel and does her business. taking piper, on the other hand, is no picnic. there's a rope leash under the deck which we can use to keep him in check, but being in a hurry, i decided to forgo the precautions. he went into the kennel without a hitch, but on the way out, he faked left, zigged right, knocked me over, and ran. and ran. and ran. down to the corner, through the real estate agency's parking lot, and into the yard of the house/law office next to the highway. where i managed to make him think i had a dog treat, thus catching him. once i had him by the collar, we struggled for dominance for about ten feet, until he knocked me on my knees in the mud. at which point i grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and his one good ear, and said in my best Exorcist voice, "SIT." which, to my surprise, he did. we managed to walk about 50 feet between sit-downs, during most of which i swore and yelled and threatened his life. it worked out, and he got home safe. i think piper may even have learned how to heel, not that i have any intentions of testing that theory.

so two abraded palms, two bruised kneecaps, and a giant whomping tension headache later, i headed to Older Sister's. and Mum decided to stay, since The Asshole had been served that evening with the temporary restraining order. which in no way stemmed the tide of hang-up phone calls she's been getting. some people are really too stupid for their own good. saturday morning i woke up with either a third cold or the third wave of the same cold, and Mum went home. i love my sister. i love being at her house, hanging out with the boys and playing with Princess Messyface. however, i do not love sleeping on her couch. or being sick anywhere but my own bed. so it was an icky icky day. especially the part where it felt like giant skewers were being stuck through my head at random angles. that's when Older Sister had to wrap my head in a heating pad. thanks, i owe you one.

so far (knock wood), today has been quiet. home again, and getting ready for the comfort of my own bed. where i think i'll hide until monday. because it's already been too eventful.

i think i'm going to work on a photo essay about my hometown area. things like the Giant Dixie Cup, and the Tractor X-ing signs. the Edison Cement Factory. the trailer park called Camelot. so many oddities, so little time. it really is weird NJ.

quote du jour:
Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing.
Salvador Dali

-beatpoetgrrl

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