i had to share this, from tinkerbell93: "I don't want to become one of those old women who sits on her porch with a martini and a cigarrette throwing cats at people when they walk by." because that's exactly who i want to be when i grow up. but could i have a gin and tonic please instead?

it seems that i've had a perpetual cold all fall and winter. i have no idea why; but on the up side i've probably single-handedly driven up the dividends for several pharmaceutical companies. to all shareholders who've profited, you're very welcome. seriously though, i feel as if i've sneezed and coughed my way through the better part of a month by now. today i coughed so hard i threw up. ordinarily i would refrain from mentioning such a gross fact. but it was orange, and i don't remember eating anything orange, so it actually fits into the realm of odd, and not gross, occurences. my body can apparently produce its own pigments; there must be a way to capitalize on this.

Mother's ebay fixation has reached a whole new level: she bought a baby doll. and not just any baby doll either: my mother bought the Satanic Baby Doll from Hell. dressed in christmas pajamas and a little santa hat. the face on this thing is sheer evil. huge bags above and below its (his? her?) close-set beady blue eyes. skin of a frightening greenish-beige cast. it looks insistently surprised. it's creepy beyond all words. i'm waiting for its (his? her?) head to spin around. this is the most frightening doll i've seen since the doll in my early childhood who informed me in slow, rumbling, drawn-out tones "iiii loooove floooowers" when her voicebox gave out. that doll was permanently stashed in a corner of my closet, lest she ever, ever say anything to me again. she is now, of course, a huge family joke.

tomorrow i get to order contacts, and my Week in Glasses will finally be over. i don't mind them, per se, and it was nice to be reminded that wearing glasses makes me look cool (even if they do make me look like a little emo boy). but i want my peripheral vision back! i want my eyelashes to stop bumping into my lenses, because that's probably the most annoying feeling in the entire universe. glasses pride is nice and all, but give me little pieces of plastic stuck to my cornea any day.

fries with that? -beatpoetgrrl

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