sometimes i just need to drop out of sight for a while. it's nothing personal, not as if i don't like people. i just need to be alone sometimes. my mental state is something that i'm not very sure of right now. it's the winter sadness...it presses down on me and makes me want to sleep. not that it makes me sleepy, it just sucks everything out of me and i want to sleep so i don't have to feel the emptiness. but i'm getting through it, the best i can. finding a job will help, at least then i won't feel like the World's Biggest Slacker.

i applied at a bank, and then they told me i'd have to pass a credit check. i saved them the trouble of bothering, since i can't even remember how many people are clamoring for my money. at this point in the job search, i can sell propane, work in a thrift store, or be a dispatcher for a school bus company. the thrift store sounds like my best option to date.

in other news, Middle Nephew #1 fell on his bike yesterday and tore a gash in his calf. twelve stitches worth of a gash. ripped right through his shin guards. the waiting rooms of hospitals are so ungodly pastel and sterile. something like i imagine martha stewart living in. i sat and read A Farewell to Arms while they sewed him back together; it seemed appropriate. it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, and he promises to wear his helmet always from this day forward. so that's a good thing, because no one wants the call to tell them their loved one's brains are decorating the sidewalk.

so israel bombed a school this morning. i can't understand what it is about power that turns men into killers of children. i hate war. in all its disguises. when does it end?

keep passing the open windows -beatpoetgrrl

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