things can never be simple. i've come to this conclusion after an agonizing weekend of decisions that i still haven't decided. because trying to spare the feelings of every person in the world get tiring. because not everyone sees life the way i see it. because things can never just be simple, no matter how hard i try.

so there's the Crush. and he's a really great guy, and he's a musician (i know, run, run quickly). and he's very smart, and over the summer he told a mutual friend that he thought i was really cool. which was, you know, a really good thing to hear about myself, especially since i had a crush on the Crush. and it's been a really long while since i found someone to be interested in. because around here, i just don't meet people at all, let alone human males of average-to-above-average IQ levels, who are creative and who i find attractive. so i was excited. and then of course, the Crush developed a crush. on someone else. so i let it go, but he and his crush have separated, and i thought, hey, why not ask him to go out for coffee, and see if there's anything i might want to pursue? it sounds so simple, doesn't it?

but it isn't. because nothing ever is. because there's another girl with a crush on the Crush. and this girl is in high school. and this girl looks up to me. and trusts me. and this girl is not the most emotionally stable of people. and so i have to worry. because this girl will think i have betrayed her if i'm not careful. because she may never speak to me again. and worse, because i may find myself being held responsible for a huge downward spiral that she might make. and really, i'm not ready to take on that kind of responsibility. because i never asked to be responsible for anyone else's emotional well-being. and yet somehow, here i am, holding in my hands the potential to screw up someone's head.

and i don't even know if he's interested in me. hence, i was asking him out for coffee, in a neutral setting with no expectations. to get further acquainted on an individual basis. only now i don't know what to do. and really, this is ridiculous. and i know it's ridiculous. but here i am, caught in drama i had no idea i was creating. ah, the beauty of annoying and complicated interpersonal communications. feel free to send me some advice.

on a happier note, i went shopping today, and i got two shirts that look good and could still work for job interviews, and some wild undies that no one will ever see. but still, it's nice to know they're there. and tomorrow i'm going thrifting, so i should go get some sleep.

i swear i'm not crazy, -beatpoetgrrl

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