inertia is settling in again...i don't know what's wrong. i can't drag myself out of bed; i'm tired all the time. maybe i'm just still sick. maybe i need vitamins. or maybe a light therapy box. i need a job, i need to get out and meet new people, i need a life of some sort. never heard back from the magazine people, so i guess i'll have to keep searching. so much for immediately finding a dream job.

i went to the diner a few times this weekend, but everyone is mad at somebody else, and i don't need any more negative energy around me. friday night i made a commment to a friend i love dearly who is doing things that make me worry, and got a friend of his screaming in my face "who are you to yell at him? fuck you!" and the truth is, i don't have patience for that kind of thing anymore. apparently i've grown a backbone, because that jerk got the beatpoetgrrl-patented "stare of death." and it actually made him back down to "i was just kidding." at which point i said "i hope so. because i don't even know you, and that would piss me off." go me! i've stopped backing down! at any rate, i don't need that kind of hostility on any kind of regular basis, so i left. and i left again saturday. where do the grown-ups hang out, please?

i've decided not to leave club paxil just yet. i know there were a lot of people cheering for me, but when i went to 10 mg i became utterly and perpetually impossible to live with. snappish and weepy and on the edge of a breakdown. so i'm staying at 20 mg for the time being. just enough to keep me from freaking out.

funny thing of the weekend: my brother went to a halloween party saturday night, and his car ended up covered in flour, chocolate syrup and some kind of nuts. (i try not to ask questions.) anyway, he drove it home that way, and at 7:00 on sunday morning we were woken up by the police. because the guy who delivers the newspaper on our block thought it was a possible anthrax case. no, really. this really happened. i suppose it does fit the profile of "unusual occurence," but what are the odds that someone is going to cover a car with anthrax in plain view on a street in the middle of nowhere town USA? unless of course he thought the car was diseased. which in this case i think i could understand.

i've rambled enough.

dona nobis pacem. -beatpoetgrrl

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