i just discovered that people actually are signing my guestbook; apparently the email hasn't been getting through. . .thanks to all of you guestbook signing people! it means a lot to me to get feedback, like i'm actually doing something worthwhile. (we all like to feel important)

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i'm taking the day off from tutoring because i flat out refuse to leave the comfort of air conditioning when it's going to be over 100 degrees with extreme jersey humidity. i'm not that good of a samaritan. so it's laundry and more laundry, from my clothes to my sheets to my curtains and throw pillows. one of the throw pillows exploded in the dryer late last night. that was fun. big clouds of fiberfill everywhere, and only a tiny little hole in the pillow to stuff it all back into. oh, and the luna kitty broke my curtain rod last night somehow. not the one across the room. the one directly over my bed. i have very little recollection of it, but the whole mess was hanging there when i woke up this morning. apparently she's having a climbing phase, this being the second time i've found the curtain rod broken, and judging by the black cat hair everywhere. (i have two cats. one with light hair who sleeps on everything dark, and one with black hair who sleeps on everything light.)

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the other night at the diner i got a terrible case of the "nobody loves me"s, brought on mostly by boredom. an excerpt from the written diary (no names to avoid unneccessary pain and/or lawsuits):

why do i go to the diner? i end up with the most obnoxious people sitting near me, talking about sex and being general idiots. or *name deleted* who never shuts up ever and for whom i can envision at least 20 methods of slow and painful death. what's the point? i could be sitting at my desk writing this, listening to belly and talking to my cats. oh god i'm turning into a crazy hermit.

it gets worse, but i'll stop quoting myself (that would probably be the height of narcissism, right?). i really am lonely lately though, and i can't tell if it's just fallout from being at the folkfest and having to come back to a "normal" life, or if it's an authentic emotional reaction. i'm not lonely in an i-want-a-boyfriend sense, or even in a no-one-understands-me sense. i just don't have anyone to talk to who isn't on the other side of a modem connection. where are all the smart weird people lately?! i could definitely use some time hanging out with people that i can halfway stand. in a place where everyone isn't 16 and loud, and where the conversation is interesting (insert cheers theme song here). i'm looking for a support system here people!

not that i don't know interesting people. but they're all off being interesting, doing their summer music projects or hanging out with significant others, and while i have my own interesting summer projects, i would like someone to be interesting with, too. of course other things would suffice: writing the Great American Poem, changing the world, feeling insanely happy for no good reason, laughing til i almost pee, getting a glimpse of eternity, of Truth-with-a-capital-T... it's a lot to ask. or all i need. or both.

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laundry's done. please, people who read this, sign my guestbook; or email me (just hit the contact button over there on the left).

mein Hut, der hat drei Ecken,-beatpoetgrrl

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