ennui? oui.
i had a diary entry typed and ready to go until my internet connection died. so here it is to the best of my ability...
i'm cranky today. in a bad mood. probably should never have gotten out of bed. and i don't know why. i just feel obscurely angry and upset. the kind of day when i could really use a punching bag.
for some reason it started yesterday at the fuzzbox. partly i think it was the graffiti scratched into the walls of the game room. it really gets to me that after all the work we did to make it beautiful, especially that room, that people don't care to keep it nice. we painted that room dark blue and put glowing stars everywhere, and now it all says "hello" and "soccer rules." they felt the need to tell the world that?
i think the other thing is that i miss having amelia around to plan things with. no one else gets as excited as i do about the things i plan. i want to make the fuzzbox into a unique universe for the people who inhabit it, not just a place where everyone sits around complaining about how bored they are. there are so many things we can do and be; why do we settle for so little?
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as for my absence: i went to the library. i've been lost in books for the past few days. i read an unfortunate woman: a journey by richard brautigan, who i just found out committed suicide in the 80s. what is it about brilliant sensitive writers that leads to their early demise? i also read the last report on the miracles at little no horse by louise erdrich, one of my favorite writers since high school when i did a book report on the beet queen .
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it's a good thing i have a rich interior life, otherwise i'd have no life at all. it's boring and limiting and ennervating, living in a small town with no money and few prospects of getting out. what do all the other people around here do for fun? where does the intelligent life go?
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the only really bright spot in stuff is that i'm percolating a new poem. it's in the adult vein of things that i've been writing lately, and it's the first one i have to research. i want to write a poem about centralia pennsylvania, where there's been an underground coal fire burning since the early 60s. i need to know what kind of things happen in an underground coal fire. how the air changes, whether the water supply is affected. i'm going to take a day trip hopefully, it's only a two-hour drive. if i don't know those things, the voice won't be authentic.
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ok well that's about it. tune in next time, same beat time, same beat channel.
get thee to a nunnery, -beatpoetgrrl
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