i'm turning 24 tomorrow. i don't know why this weirds me out exactly. i guess it's because i always thought i'd have something done by now. i'd be published, or i'd have my MFA, or i'd be doing something else worthwhile. and here i am, unemployed, living with my parents, trying to scrape up the cash to finish my undergrad degree. i don't know what to think about all this. my window of opportunity to be a prodigy is slowly closing. i'm not going to be the child genius who takes the world by storm, and that's no one's fault but my own.

when my mom was 24, she was married with two children. i've always known that early marriage and children didn't fit with my plans, but i always thought i'd find someone to fall in love with. or that i'd be living the swingin' single girl in her 20s lifestyle. dating, meeting interesting people. i never thought my social life would still revolve around the diner, and my hometown. the one thing i never wanted to be was the smalltown girl who never got out. the one who settled for what she got intstead of going out and getting what she wanted.

i feel like i'm supposed to be searching for this life that's going to magically happen for me. like it's waiting just around the corner, and all i have to do is find the right series of corners.

so what do i have to show for my 24 years on this planet? good friends, the kind that will stay with me for the rest of my life. lots of children who love and look up to me. poems. a pretty strong philosophy of life. quiet accomplishments and small victories. and that's not so bad. it might not get me in the history books, but i've touched lives. that's all a person can really ask for.

well, now that i've done my birthday introspection. i think it's about time i went out and celebrated.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

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