sitting around my living room, trying to think of one interesting thing to say. trying to remember if the idea of gremlins predates the movie. i think gremlins were old-world ideas of bad faeries.

it's hard to do an entry every day. most people, even really interesting people, don't have that much exciting stuff to tell. the highlight of my day: i got to drive my mom's car to the store! this doesn't sound like much, but i'm 23 and i've been banned from driving her car since i almost crashed it during my first driving lesson at 17. i feel like such a grownup. which is cool, because usually i feel like a kid trapped in the body of a grownup.

i really want to get back into writing poems...it's been nearly nine months since the last poem and i'm starting to feel desperate. and i want to write more poems like the last one, with less of an emphasis on the autobiographical. i think writing my answer to Howl was the fault line of my style. after a poem that contains so much of myself, that is so emotionally raw, i can't go back to writing perfect, carefully-crafted, pretty little prism-poems. i have to continue to be confrontational. the question is how to do it, and how to do it well. i fear most being trivial, or negligible. well no, i fear most of all never writing again, and falling off a bridge.

on the other hand, i'm becoming more and more myself, which i'm almost positive is the route to true art. i'm thinking of willa cather's the song of the lark , when thea is living in the cliff dwellings. she's not actually working on her music, but is becoming more and more an artist each day. how is being an artist related to the product of art, or even the making of the product?

considering the two definitions of art i've figured out at this point (art is why i get up in the morning; art is what gets done when i'm not too tired from my 5 other jobs...), i can't explain how becoming myself relates to the fact that i create better and better art that relates more to art and less to my autobiographical experiences. (should i be seeking professional help?) i want to teach writing groups in the area for teens/ young adults this summer, since i know the hell i went through in a small town without even school to break the monotony. also, i want to get into more of my mixed-media poetics, definitely the "intution said" sculpture and possibly the installation amelia and i planned around "dear allen," if i can find a performance space.

and i probably should apply for a day job, considering the lack of funds that forced me to move in with my parents in the first place. in fact,

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -ee cummings (1894-1962)

that's the news for now. let freedom ring.

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